There is a light at the end of every storm, if there wasn't I wouldn't be here right now nor would many other people who suffer from mood disorders. Alot of people lose hope everytime they suffer in the darkness, even I lose hope and give up. While the outside world constantly tells us to just suck it up we get deeper and deeper into the darkness. There are people who do not understand what it's like to live in the mind battle feild. There are people out in the world who have no respect for those who suffer from mood disorders. But on the other end of the spectrum there are those who don't even have mood disorders but they claim they do just to get out of certain situations. There are lots of people who fake depression, anxiety, dementia etc just to get attention or get an easy way out of a situation they do not want to face.
I have come across people who throw pity parties as means of control over others. I've had people threaten to commit suicide every time I refused to talk to them. I've been dragged through emotional hell by some people claiming to have severe mood disorders but were really just after attention. I, on the other hand did the same thing to people...I pulled people through Hell too. I've made fake suicide threats, I've taken advantage of my mood disorders to get what I want, I've lost alot of friends because eventually they got fed up with dealing with me. And I know why because I've gotten fed up with people who've done exactly what I did. But I got sick of hurting people and misleading people. The lies became tiresome so I just stopped doing it.
I will never regain those friends I have lost because I took them through emotional turmoil. To be honest I don't even miss them any more. I've had some great memories, great friendships but only my true friends have stood beside me loyally through my changes. Some of my friends put their foot down in the right way, others just threw in the towel. My Husband knew when to call my bluffs, he knew how to deal with me. He along with some of my other friends had to stand strong against me, have much patience and not6 give me the opportuinity to blow things out of proportion. They all deserve awards.
The toll I paid was high, I can't go back and change anything. I can't go back and not say the horrible things I have said or done the horrible things I have done. What matters now is I press forward, not dwell on my past and just keep facing every storm that comes my way. For anyone going through emotional hell I can honestly tell you that if you let yourself find the light you will. If you admit you have a problem and you want it changed it will change. If you hate who you are and want to be better there's no such thing as making the changes too late. There's not a hole deep enough that you can't get out of. If you can't do it alone I guarantee God will help you out. If you are an atheist well then I'm certain there are kind people out there who love you very much who will help you out. Whether you take the steps alone or with others to fight the battle in your head, it doesn't matter. What matters is I'm not the only success story that's out there, there's many and you too can make your own.
There is a light at the end of every storm.
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