How to find out if you are supermom like you keep telling people you are:
The test starts with a simple eye stretch. You slowly open your eyes and squint at the clock. If the clock says you've got 15 minutes to get out the door your eyes should pop open wide instantly and panic should immediately set in.
The waking dead sit up occurs when you realize you have 15 minutes! You immediately sit up in bed and again panic. The chances of your husband getting up to help you out is as slim as the Toronto Maple Leafs winning the stanley cup.
The 10 second lumber: Get out of the bed, very upset you will not be taking a shower, and do what everyone does first thing in the morning...
The toilet crunch. Because everyone has to go pee in the morning. But you feel like crap so you kinda double over while you pee and put your hands in your face thinking "WHY did I have to wake up late WHY?"
The 2 minute dress up. If you can get your hair fixes up, find something decent to wear and actually find a pair of socks without holes then congrats you made very awesome timing. If you manage to do this without panic, give yourself a pat on the back.
The 2 minute kid dress up. Harder than getting yourself ready naturally. Find clothes for the young one, get them out of their Pj's get them into the clothing and tell them to put on their shoes assuming they can find their shoes.
The cat dodge: Get your kid to the front door while avoiding the cats because everyone knows little kids LOVE cats and are easily distracted by cats.
The lap top shuffle: Grab the laptop or whatever it is you have to get bagged up for the day and get it ready to go. Make sure you have everything.
The 20 meter dash. You get to the bottom of your driveway and realize how useless men are. The garbage was not put out but the truck will arrive within 20 minutes. Chances of them putting out the trash by then is slimmer than the Leafs winning the cup. So you dash back up the driveway, into the house, grab a garbage tag, grab the garbage and...
The 20 meter lift: The garbage bag could possibly weigh more than you but you lift it up, you drag your feet 20 meters in pain, try keeping that industrial sized bag off the ground and then drop it at the end of the driveway.
The 20 meter dash again: Crap the recycling! Run back to the house, dump one bin into the other, run out the door again and sprint down the driveway.
The 10 minute cool down...walk to work, enjoy all the scenery and smile because you just did all of the above without breaking down in tears.
I never want to do this fitness test again...but I'm so proud of myself for not having a major meltdown. I got to work 3 minutes early too so bonus! If I didn't have a Coop student showing up to work I'd have probably just said to heck with it and went to work a little bit late. Best of all though is I think my husband is very proud of me. Poor guy was probably praying his butt off in bed saying "Please God give her a good morning attitude for once...PLEASE!" and well I managed to do everything without screaming or swearing. I feel great!
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