Friday, October 29, 2010

Go fish...no thanks...

                I have the oddest phobia. There is something that makes me scream and panic like a little girl. No it's not spiders...or snakes or any type of bug, amphibian or reptile. I happen to love creepy crawlies. I'd love to own a tarantula one day I think that would be awesome. Or maybe one of those huge giant centepedes! Scorpion would be cool...I once owned a little corn snake but my cat ate him (I was so upset!)
                   Nope I have the dumbest phobia ever. Fish. I'm afraid of fish. Dead fish, live fish...cat fish, carp...I hate fish. I'll eat fish so long as I don't see the scales, I'll prep the fish too also as long as there are no scales. I will not touch a dead fish, and I won't hold a tiny little sun fish. Actually Sun Fish are jerks anyway with their stupid spines >< and Rock bass look possessed. And Carp are hideous.I hate catfish with a passion...any fish. I can't even swim in my pond without anxiety.
                   So one day my fishing enthusiast of a husband decides that we need to go out on our pond to fish. Theres nothing heavier than 3lbs in that pond other than the beavers and otters. So I say, what the heck and I hop on the canoe like a good sport. (This story is getting sadder and sadder and Im so ashamed) Nick swears there's trout in that pond...he did prove it to me when he once caught a 2lb trout...he was so proud and I find that extreamely sad. He says it was 2lbs I say half a pound at most. But I'm not going to argue or try to ruin his fishing ego. Anyways we get out there and I just chill while he casts his line. He reels in the smallest rock bass I have ever seen. I'm shocked it actually fit it's mouth on the hook. He brings it in and he accidentally drops it in the canoe. It was tiny but to me it was as if a shark had been dropped in the boat. Our kid was laughing (She came along too) my husband was smirking and I was hyperventilating. My kid grabs the fish and puts it close to my face. "Look mommy!!!" I back up a little..."Thats nioce dear throw it back before it gets sick!" She gently puts the fish back and I calm down. IT WAS A FREAKING 1 OUNCE LITTLE FISH FOR GOODNESS SAKE >< (The photo on this blog entry was taken while in the canoe)
                   "So you ready for Algonquin park?" My husband asks. I recall the time we went canoeing on a camping trip and he purposely took me on the rough water route telling me it was the smoothest way...I guess I'd have to think about Algonquin.
                    "Yeah absolutely. I'm not fishing with you though." I reply. You know Bears I can handle...skunks and coons not a problem. Bugs are nothing. Not showering sounds like fun I really couldt care less how I looked in the middle of nowhere...But to hell with fishing!
                       I once was brave. There was a day where I feared no fish. Then when I was 14 I was viciously attacked in Sturgeon Lake in Bobcaygeon. I was attacked by a fish twice the size of me. It just came right up to me and started to rub against me and I freaked out...it freaked out...there was flailing and screaming (Not the fish it just kinda swam away) and I never went in the lake again. Yes I was attacked by a carp. After that I still went fishing so long as someone unhooked the fish for me. I actually caught a carp accidentally...I was hoping I had caught everyone dinner but I was wrong. I looked at my cousin who shook his head and just cut the damn line. Neither of us was willing to reel that sucker out of the water. I caught plenty of bass too after that...also accidentally. (How do I make this sound appropriate?) Okay I was holding my husbands Rod *Snicker*  and I caught a 4lb big mouth bass *double snicker* and he made me pet it...okay whatever I'm done with that story I can't make it sound non dirty! GAH!
                 I have nothinbg more to say...this dirty fishing tale is done...and I will hate anyone who ever chases me down with a fish in hand. If anyone wanted to rob me all they have to do is toss a fish at me and I'll drop everything and run for my life. I'm pathetic, I know. Excuse me while I go bask in my shame.
                     

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